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Most of all, you can let him treat you the way he did when you were first dating by letting him know what a nice time you had and thanking him for taking you out. If you do, you'll enjoy the miracle of perpetual dating for many years to come. If peace in your home is something you hold dear, consider the cost of your actions before you issue a complaint, criticism or sarcastic remark. Sure, you might feel some relief in the short run, but in the long run you can't afford the luxury of starting a brawl. Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” —GOETHE”
An energy surplus is what you're left with after you let go of all the things you worry about on your husband's behalf, like his driving, health, and the way he spends money. Now you can transfer all of that effort and thought to yourself. It may feel odd at first, but you'll get used to it. It's not selfish to do this -- it's self-loving. Well you will definitely know what men need after reading TAM for a while: what they really need is blow jobs. :wink2: Even though I have a degree in communications, trying for years to "communicate" with my husband never got me the connection I craved. Instead, I found that my propensity to talk things out actually worked against me because so much of the time I wanted to talk about what he was doing wrong, or wasn't doing at all. Of course John and I still talk a lot -- about serious and silly things. But now that I practice surrendering principles, we rarely have to "communicate." The result? Our emotional connection is better than ever. I did know that marriage was risky because I had watched my parents go through a brutal divorce. Still, I was hopeful that I could do better. I was amazed that my husband, John, could love me as much as he did, and part of me believed we could make our marriage work simply because there was so much goodness in it to start with.Your self-care will go a long way towards improving your mood and your attitude with everyone in the family, including your husband. That's it. If you do those two things on an ongoing basis, a passionate, healthy sex life will return. Many a wife has turned the finances over to her husband in just this way -- as a temporary trial -- and lived to say she wouldn't have it any other way.
she practices expressing gratitude (thanking her husband for the things he does) Yup! Cos I am polite. He thanks me for stuff I do, too I have read The Surrendered Wife and The Empowered Wife, both by Laura Doyle, and am seriously considering following the suggestions she makes because I am frankly very nearly at the end of my rope with my husband. None of us feels good about ourselves when we’re nagging, critical or controlling. I certainly didn’t. The tone of my voice alone would make me cringe with self-recrimination. Through surrendering, you will find the courage to gradually stop indulging in these unpleasant behaviors and replace them with dignified ones. Most importantly, when he knows you won’t shoot an arrow inhis Achilles’ heel, he can let down his guard. Having that sense ofsafety will make it possible for him to share his innermost thoughts with you, and that’s where you’ll find intimacy. He may speak about the values he hopes to impart to the children, what he’simagining the two of you will do when you’re old, or tell you about how he lost a dog he loved as a kid. He might talk about what he imagines it would be like to live on a ranch, go to the moon or add a second story to the house. Intimacy is made up of lots oflittle tender conversations—sometimes silly, sometimes solemn—that he wouldn’t have with anyone else in the world. In fact, the actual details of the conversation are less important than the fact that the conversation is happening and connecting you spiritually. Doyle does not fit my mental picture of a "surrendered wife". Throughout our first meeting, her husband jumps up and down to the buffet, getting her whatever she tells him she wants. Sometimes she doesn't even have to tell him. His greatest wish seems to be to make her happy.A man who has been unfaithful time and again, despite promises to the contrary, cannot be trusted. You deserve to be with a man who is sexual and romantic with you and you alone. So, if your husband is not capable of doing that, your best chance of true intimacy is to end the marriage and look for a man who can be faithful. Years ago a friend of mine told me I had the most beautiful hair, and wanting to seem modest, I responded by saying, "Too bad I never do anything to take care of it!" My friend insisted that it looked great just the way it was, but I shook my head as though she didn't know what she was talking about. But the words, “I don’t love you,” can be the breakdown before the breakthrough. They can be the gateway to a marriage that exceeds your imagination, where you feel as loved and connected as you did when you were first dating. And you can have all of that with the guy who just said he didn’t love you, or is acting like he doesn’t. But many times you choose to get defensive, and may even think he is weak when he really shares his feelings. And ladies, please don't say that this has not happened before because you know that you have done SOMETHING like this.
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