These reactions are most likely learned in response to stress – for instance, the constant uncertainty of living with an alcoholic. That’s when she realized that other people weren’t the reason her life was a mess – she was just using them as an excuse to avoid her own problems.

With practical advice and real-life examples, it offers tools for building healthier relationships and finding personal fulfillment. Though the warning signs came early – he stayed out drinking all night on their honeymoon – Jessica was in denial about her husband’s condition . It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality.When I first read this book, I figure that I would not post my feelings about it because they were too personal. I want to be very clear, though - I am NOT telling other people to abandon or avoid 12 Steps work if that is what they choose to engage for themselves.

Lastly, when the problem gets worse and worse, the codependent becomes angry, bitter and dejected as a result of their failed attempts to gain some level of control over a situation that was already impossibly difficult to deal with. I have learned that I do not need to immerse myself so deeply in someone else’s life that I lose myself. Melody Beattie’s compassionate and insightful look into codependency—the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another— has helped millions of readers understand that they are powerless to change anyone but themselves and that caring for the self is where healing begins. This does not mean the wife is an alcoholic and it does not mean she approves of the alcoholic's behavior. If you are looking at this book, you probably were told to look at it by someone else, make sure you thank that person for the recommendation.It is possible to communicate both of these at the same time - many people manage it easily and respectfully. Melody Beattie’s compassionate and insightful look into codependency – the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another – has helped millions of readers understand that they are powerless to change anyone but themselves and that caring for the self is where healing begins.

However, now having some distance from the book and being able to employ the lessons I have learned, I am able to share myself with others. But I was assured by the person who handed me this book, by looking at their happiness and personality, that the end must be better. My point is just that I am not critical of 12 Steps on the basis of something flimsy, so by extension, I consider my concerns about this book to be valid and substantial. This inspirational book gives the reader an inside look at the miraculous phenomenon that occurs after loss -- the being welcomed into a new of sorts, a circle of people who have lived through similar grief and pain, whether it be the loss of a child, a spouse, a career, or even one's youth. I read this book twice before starting very slowly the exercises at the end of each chapter (optional) and the way I now feel and act is begining to prove very beneficial.

The book, which is geared towards family members of alcoholics, clarifies a lot of these unhealthy behaviors and gives tips on how to be self-aware and how to manage our emotions, which I find to be helpful, even if it's not groundbreaking scientific work or whatever. I've read about other approaches to substance abuse recovery that deal more with what underlies it rather than making it the focus.